On Making Amends

I know a woman who’s decided what she needs from men in order to consider working alongside them ever again. She’s been abused and mistreated and crazy-made and isolated, threatened and raped and nearly killed. She wants amends. She doesn’t want sorry, she wants actions that prove men are ready to abandon privilege and allow us the power they’ve so viciously and ritually denied us, forever.

All men have harmed women. There is no man in patriarchy whose hands are clean. ALL MEN BENEFIT FROM OTHER MEN MAKING WOMEN AFRAID TO SPEAK UP OR SAY NO.

All men.

This is not debatable. This is what patriarchy IS. It’s a brotherhood, and you don’t opt out, drop out, transition out, nothing. You’re a lifelong member of the rape club and if you’re not actively fighting it and amplifiying women’s voices and calling out your brothers even when your life is at risk, you don’t get to speak at all. But that is still not amends.

Here’s the thing. If you were SORRY, you would STOP.

If you didn’t LIKE IT, it would END.

If you wanted a new way, we would HAVE IT.

That’s because you, men, created a world where your power is the only power worth anything. So you took the power and you lied and lied about women, and now you’re super sad that so many women are angry and loud and really really mean.

Your feelings are meaningless, stop trying to make us care. You are the ones stalling a revolution, clinging desperately to your moms and girlfriends daughters and begging them to remember your dear, sweet humanity, because you know you’ve hurt women and you deserve to be left behind. You can’t move forward because you’d lose all the sweet perks, so you keep women back to keep you company, even though you can see her vitality leave her for your black hole vampirism. Better her than you, every time, for millennia.

Amends means identifying and correcting every wrong you’ve ever done, changing everything, giving it all up. Amends means suffering. It means looking deep into yourself and hating yourself in a constructive way. Don’t take your self-hate and make it our problem. Stop stalking and murdering us and our children when we leave. LET US GO.

If you want to change, you will. You know how. Stop asking us. It’s your problem now. We’re doing this without you, and you won’t like the world you’ve made for yourselves once we’re out of it.