There’s a multi-billion dollar porn industry dedicated to portraying women pretending to enjoy painful sex. There’s a highly lucrative bdsm industry that showcases female masochism as the height of femininity and therefore sexual desirability There are countless media sources ostensibly for women that but only serve to destroy self-esteem, encourage women to have sex they don’t like or want, and pretend men are just silly-billies who need our guidance because they just don’t get our wacky lady brains.
Disney heroines find love with men often after conquering the female villain who is almost always shown as not having known male love (which is deceitfully painted as the healing love when in fact it’s the opposite). Toys that prepare little girls for ‘womanhood’ train them to expect motherhood and heterosexual marriage. You’ll notice womanhood only includes the facets of being female that appeal to males, such as sex characteristics and sexuality, performed femininity (which is simultaneously mocked and adored), her ability to become pregnant and give birth, or her ability to perform duties like cooking, cleaning, and breadwinning. This is what womanhood is to men: what it can do for men.
The parts of femalehood that are not celebrated because men or certain men do not approve are denigrated and we are made to feel humiliated by them. Things like menstruation, birth control and abortion, lesbianism and bisexuality, and rejecting patriarchal femininity, are all openly derided because they do not benefit males. Rape has become a joke and when it’s not a joke, it’s porn.
BDSM, heterosexuality, prostitution, and pornography, when enacted or used by males, is always going to result in the oppression of females. BDSM in its most common form (dominant male to submissive female) celebrates male violence against women. Even if you believe truly informed and vacuum-free consent can even exist under capitalist patriarchy, it still takes a sick fuck to enjoy hurting another human, especially sexualizing that violence in the historical context of males actively oppressing females through sex AND in light of the fact that many women in bdsm have histories of sexual abuse. And yes, I have experience with bdsm and everything else I discuss, so can we fuck off with that?
Contemporary heterosexuality, by which I mean the common representations of heterosexuality in our media and our lives, is shown as the end game. Abuse, rape, forced impregnation, male control of finances and reproductive freedom, childish or threatening behaviour, and basic male uselessness in terms of being a good partner or parent, are all common lived experiences in heterosexuality. The heterosexual couple is the cornerstone of global female exploitation. Abusive rapist men might be outliers but among the silence of their rumoured civilized peers, and believe me it is DEAD SILENCE from ‘decent men’ out there, they speak the loudest. Why don’t these decent men want the rapists to shut the fuck up and die? Oh yeah, all men benefit from and contribute to a rape culture that enshrines male access to female bodies. Porn has also destroyed in men the empathy necessary to see rape as a horror; instead he will always sympathize with the rapist (unless the raped woman ‘belongs’ to him, in which case the rapist broke the bro code).
Porn and the ‘purchase’ of prostituted women is male sexual violence against vulnerable females at its apex. Consent cannot be negotiated with financial compensation or the concept becomes meaningless. I will never speak against women who participate in porn or prostitution other than to urge them to examine their ‘choice’ in terms of coercive, capitalist patriarchy as well as how very little that choice means to girls and women who don’t have one.
So yeah, there are a lot of forces at work against women finding other women. Women are also encouraged and rewarded for hating other women, we are lied to about what we are like and therefore what other women are like. There are multiple scare tactics used to misrepresent feminists, lesbians, political lesbians, and truly any woman who questions anything men like. But there is one thing I learned when I stopped giving a fuck about men—women will protect you. To women (to lesbians and feminists), no woman is disposable. No woman is replaceable. All are necessary, and valued, and worthy.