On Making Amends

I know a woman who’s decided what she needs from men in order to consider working alongside them ever again. She’s been abused and mistreated and crazy-made and isolated, threatened and raped and nearly killed. She wants amends. She doesn’t want sorry, she wants actions that prove men are ready to abandon privilege and allow us the power they’ve so viciously and ritually denied us, forever.

All men have harmed women. There is no man in patriarchy whose hands are clean. ALL MEN BENEFIT FROM OTHER MEN MAKING WOMEN AFRAID TO SPEAK UP OR SAY NO.

All men.

This is not debatable. This is what patriarchy IS. It’s a brotherhood, and you don’t opt out, drop out, transition out, nothing. You’re a lifelong member of the rape club and if you’re not actively fighting it and amplifiying women’s voices and calling out your brothers even when your life is at risk, you don’t get to speak at all. But that is still not amends.

Here’s the thing. If you were SORRY, you would STOP.

If you didn’t LIKE IT, it would END.

If you wanted a new way, we would HAVE IT.

That’s because you, men, created a world where your power is the only power worth anything. So you took the power and you lied and lied about women, and now you’re super sad that so many women are angry and loud and really really mean.

Your feelings are meaningless, stop trying to make us care. You are the ones stalling a revolution, clinging desperately to your moms and girlfriends daughters and begging them to remember your dear, sweet humanity, because you know you’ve hurt women and you deserve to be left behind. You can’t move forward because you’d lose all the sweet perks, so you keep women back to keep you company, even though you can see her vitality leave her for your black hole vampirism. Better her than you, every time, for millennia.

Amends means identifying and correcting every wrong you’ve ever done, changing everything, giving it all up. Amends means suffering. It means looking deep into yourself and hating yourself in a constructive way. Don’t take your self-hate and make it our problem. Stop stalking and murdering us and our children when we leave. LET US GO.

If you want to change, you will. You know how. Stop asking us. It’s your problem now. We’re doing this without you, and you won’t like the world you’ve made for yourselves once we’re out of it.

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3 thoughts on “On Making Amends

  1. I have been thinking about commenting here for some time. I wanted to ask you first about why if you believe in a goddess of some type and she cares about females and you believe it interfered in our creation..why would she made such an awful male partners for us to live with ? Even if you were an atheist that believes in evolution, christian, pagan..whatever method of creation that really happened seems to have made a terrible choice between males and females. I mean the male brain (it has been proved by science) sees us like objects and not complete beings, they mostly just want sex and is not monogamous but females are different and need connection, some romance and dedication to feel happy around them but so many are dissatisfied and corrupted by men and they tell us that sleeping around with more men it’s the answer haha NO. Even going by the notion that evolution just wanted us to reproduce as much as we can makes no sense to me as so many children would have been left fatherless and defenseless in the wild back then with more chances of NOT surviving. A guy cannot even take care of one child let alone 20 from different women. Also a developing child brain needs both parents as statistics show they are more apt to develop personality disorders and show delinquent behavior..again why would nature/god/goddess pave the way for men to hit and run when it knew beforehand it would cause just trouble? Oh and they love to use the phrase “Not all man, there’s a good one for you out there) but if you were to say this to 3.52 billion women in the world the man just wouldn’t add up as the so called good men are scarce and the rest are everywhere lol
    I am 27 years old and only had one relationship, I never had sex and I don’t care to at this point. Men have hurt me psychologically and emotionally 98% of that had nothing to do with crushes or partners but men of the daily walk (doctors,teachers,father,guys in the street, school mates, ect) I have lost my libido after my first relationship happened at 24. The guy was a real jerk and killed the last bit of attraction I had towards men. It has been four years since then and I can’t find even the most attractive man desirable.Done, just done. I was already a little bit disgusted by their hairiness and weird bodies but at least I was mentally attracted to them as a person..that too out of the window. The cherry on top was when I had been bleeding for 3 months and visited a MALE gynecologist and he just sent me home with no treatment, no blood test and just “nothing” and was even mean when I asked him what would I do if I keep on bleeding like this? The guy was always late to his consults almost at 12 leaving a room full of women waiting for him. Why would I pursue/want/desire men who treats me like this all the time?
    Like you I ignore and don’t talk to men unless it’s necessary and I thought that was crazy until I read your blog. However I don’t feel all “empowered” to always be alone with no romance or someone that gives a damn about me (I know it’s a contradiction but it’s normal) I consider myself asexual as im not attracted to women either (in that way) so I love my peaceful days without male drama. The male energy always creeped me out anyways. Thank you for this blog..are there any books you recommend for me to open up my eyes about men a little bit more?

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