lies about women

There’s a multi-billion dollar porn industry dedicated to portraying women pretending to enjoy painful sex. There’s a highly lucrative bdsm industry that showcases female masochism as the height of femininity and therefore sexual desirability  There are countless media sources ostensibly for women that but only serve to destroy self-esteem, encourage women to have sex they don’t like or want, and pretend men are just silly-billies who need our guidance because they just don’t get our wacky lady brains.

Disney heroines find love with men often after conquering the female villain who is almost always shown as not having known male love (which is deceitfully painted as the healing love when in fact it’s the opposite). Toys that prepare little girls for ‘womanhood’ train them to expect motherhood and heterosexual marriage. You’ll notice womanhood only includes the facets of being female that appeal to males, such as sex characteristics and sexuality, performed femininity (which is simultaneously mocked and adored), her ability to become pregnant and give birth, or her ability to perform duties like cooking, cleaning, and breadwinning. This is what womanhood is to men: what it can do for men. 

The parts of femalehood that are not celebrated because men or certain men do not approve are denigrated and we are made to feel humiliated by them. Things like menstruation, birth control and abortion, lesbianism and bisexuality, and rejecting patriarchal femininity, are all openly derided because they do not benefit males. Rape has become a joke and when it’s not a joke, it’s porn. 

BDSM, heterosexuality, prostitution, and pornography, when enacted or used by males, is always going to result in the oppression of females. BDSM in its most common form (dominant male to submissive female) celebrates male violence against women. Even if you believe truly informed and vacuum-free consent can even exist under capitalist patriarchy, it still takes a sick fuck to enjoy hurting another human, especially sexualizing that violence in the historical context of males actively oppressing females through sex AND in light of the fact that many women in bdsm have histories of sexual abuse. And yes, I have experience with bdsm and everything else I discuss, so can we fuck off with that?

Contemporary heterosexuality, by which I mean the common representations of heterosexuality in our media and our lives, is shown as the end game. Abuse, rape, forced impregnation, male control of finances and reproductive freedom, childish or threatening behaviour, and basic male uselessness in terms of being a good partner or parent, are all common lived experiences in heterosexuality. The heterosexual couple is the cornerstone of global female exploitation. Abusive rapist men might be outliers but among the silence of their rumoured civilized peers, and believe me it is DEAD SILENCE from ‘decent men’ out there, they speak the loudest. Why don’t these decent men want the rapists to shut the fuck up and die? Oh yeah, all men benefit from and contribute to a rape culture that enshrines male access to female bodies. Porn has also destroyed in men the empathy necessary to see rape as a horror; instead he will always sympathize with the rapist (unless the raped woman ‘belongs’ to him, in which case the rapist broke the bro code).

Porn and the ‘purchase’ of prostituted women is male sexual violence against vulnerable females at its apex. Consent cannot be negotiated with financial compensation or the concept becomes meaningless. I will never speak against women who participate in porn or prostitution other than to urge them to examine their ‘choice’ in terms of coercive, capitalist patriarchy as well as how very little that choice means to girls and women who don’t have one.

So yeah, there are a lot of forces at work against women finding other women. Women are also encouraged and rewarded for hating other women, we are lied to about what we are like and therefore what other women are like. There are multiple scare tactics used to misrepresent feminists, lesbians, political lesbians, and truly any woman who questions anything men like. But there is one thing I learned when I stopped giving a fuck about men—women will protect you. To women (to lesbians and feminists), no woman is disposable. No woman is replaceable. All are necessary, and valued, and worthy. 

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2 thoughts on “lies about women

  1. It sounds good: “But there is one thing I learned when I stopped giving a fuck about men—women will protect you.” For ten years I have tried to find those protective women, from coast to coast in the USA. I don’t see it, or find them. One renowned rad fem blogger refused to post my comments because I wasn’t her brand of rad-fem (younger, I believe, would be her never articulated criterion). Another renowned rad fem blogger who first instigated my writing her off blog by email ended up in a snit telling me (because I’d actually emailed her as she’d invited) that I had a “creepy sense of entitlement” to her time. I’d been through a horrible experience with men and sought the sisterhood — which she had seemingly offered online and which her blog posts laud at length even today as being her reality — of a kind word of emailed response, something to the effect of “I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

    Les seps in communities originated in the 1960’s through 80’s have failed to make a go of real community in the USA, in my experience traveling to several locales and talking to many familiar with landdykes. Author Sonia Johnson currently by all reports has abandoned the communal effort and lives in a lesbian couple with Jade DeForest. Along the way they tried various les sep community arrangements in various parts of the USA — I sought them out when they were in New Mexico to talk about it. At one of the places where Sonia and Jade reportedly later tried a community of les seps (in the SE USA), only to leave, one of the remaining, graying les seps there told me repeatedly, when I visited, as if it was news, that ‘women are damaged’ — and yet my experience of being among the les seps there was hardly warm or really welcoming.

    I don’t see the protection and care of women for women collectively happening. GLBT politicking and brainwashing has hijacked the communal story for women and replaced it with Bruce Jenner, militant MtF transgendered resource diversion, gay men in high places to ramp up dick brainwashing, and lesbian couples isolated two by two in cul-de-sacs. Sorry, but I cannot indulge the fantasy of there being women for women collectively any longer. It’s what we ought to have, but we don’t. Not that I’m returning to men. They’re worse by far. It’s just that women haven’t protected me. I’ve protected myself and found half-measures of occasional spinning connections among women who have little left over to give to other women outside their own pair bond, be it with a female or male. I stopped blogging new posts on wordpress some time back, not wanting to be part of the false-hope problem.

    Let women find their own way with their inner wisdom and sacred guidance, but don’t tell them fairy tales, please. Disney and every man who ever pretended to love a woman to get laid (married, whatever) is doing enough harm already. You are too gifted and insightful a writer to hold out false hope. You are one of the most gifted wordsmiths I’ve read on the internet. Keep it up, and know that I comment only because I so greatly wanted it to be the way you state it is that, as I explored to find out, it’s not. When I can face reality, however, I have a better chance of making things better for myself and, indirectly, for other women and the rest of planetary creation that men are so bent on destroying.

    1. I hear you. And I have heard many women express the same dismay and devastation. Some women are not ready yet. They reveal themselves quickly but never quickly enough. Please don’t stop searching. This is not false hope; this is a mission I’ll give my life for. Thank you for the kind words but the women are out there, seeking connection across the planet. It will become a matter of building the web together, each with our lifelong learned abilities. And no on is done learning, or death comes. Thank you for writing and I will think a lot about what you’ve experienced and shared with me. Feel free to do so anytime, but don’t ask me to give up. I won’t.

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